Trust in the Lord

A scripture that stood out to me this week in my personal study was Proverbs 3:5-6.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

With the admonition to trust in Him, the Lord gives a wonderful promise: He will direct our paths.  It seems like a reasonable thing to do - why wouldn't we trust someone who we know has the big picture, someone who can see the end from the beginning?  Leaning not unto our own understanding is definitely easier said than done, however.  It takes a lot of faith and humility to accept that often we don't know what is best for ourselves - but our Heavenly Father does.

This semester, I feel like the Lord has been teaching me over and over again to trust Him.  The common theme across my weekly posts and personal journals seems to have been, "Trust in God.  He is so much smarter than we are!  He knows what is best for each of His children."  I'm sure it's a lesson I will continue to learn my whole life long, but I've seen a lot of personal progress over the past few months.  My testimony has been strengthened as I've applied this principle in my life, and I know that my Heavenly Father knows me personally and will always guide me towards choices that will make me happy.

Through my efforts to more fully trust in the Lord, I've also learned that He trusts me.  Trusting God usually doesn't mean praying for guidance, receiving step-by-step instructions, and following them perfectly, knowing that since the instructions came from God they have to be right.  Far more often I find that my prayers for guidance are answered with an assurance that if I continue in the right way, the way will become clear.  As much as I sometimes wish that the way were already clear, this pattern has allowed the Lord to teach me patience and trust.  The Lord trusts me to apply the principles of the gospel He's already taught me and make wise decisions, and I trust Him to bless me with peace if my decision is in line with His will and to stop me if it isn't.

I love Sister Cordon's remarks from the General Women's Session of conference on this scripture in her talk "Trust in the Lord and Lean Not."  She says, "Jesus Christ has overcome the world.  And because of Him, because of His infinite Atonement, we all have great cause to trust, knowing that ultimately all will be well."  It can be immensely difficult to trust that ultimately all will be well in moments when all seems very much not well.  Nevertheless, we know that "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28).  Even when everything seems uncertain, if we will trust God, He will give us the guidance we need - line upon line, day by day, as much as we need until the path once again becomes clear.

By the Voice of My Servants

In light of General Conference, a scripture that felt particularly relevant this week was Doctrine and Covenants 1:38.

“What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.”

I just love this scripture because I love knowing that we can hear the voice of the Lord through His servants.  We know that God is not silent, but that He speaks to us today through those whom He has called.  To me, this is one of the most reassuring truths of the Restoration.

Sometimes, I might feel like I need or want some sort of heavenly messenger or a voice from heaven to tell me what to do.  Sometimes God does speak to us that way, but we are definitely more likely to hear from Him through His servants the prophets, including through scripture.  While it may not feel as direct or as profound, hearing the voice of the Lord’s inspired servants is just as good as hearing His own voice.  Often, when I am seeking answers, the Lord lets me know that I need to use the resources He has already given me and search the words of the prophets.  Everything that He needs me to know has been revealed and is available to me, and through His Spirit, He lets me know how to apply the words given generally to all of His children in my personal life.

That is part of why I love General Conference so much.  While it is very general, out of necessity - the audience is literally the whole world - it can be very personal too.  Before General Conference, I pray that the words that the speakers have prepared will speak to my heart and that I will be able to find personal meaning and answers to my questions in their messages.  Often I feel that the messages of certain speakers have been prepared specifically for me.  It is a great reminder to me that the Lord knows us very personally.  He knows what we need to hear, and He inspires the men and women whom He has called to share what He would say to us, were He in our presence now.  Whether by His own voice or by the voice of His servants, it really is the same.

This is Life Eternal

One of my favorite scriptures is part of Christ’s Intercessory Prayer, found in John 17:3.

“And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”

This scripture states very plainly our goal in this life: to come to know our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  I have always loved the doctrine that life eternal is not to know about God, but to know God.  Even if we knew everything there was to know about God, it wouldn’t be enough if we didn’t have a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven and with our Savior.  Through that personal relationship, we can be changed and purified, that we may qualify for eternal life.

It is hard to get to know someone without spending time together, so if we want to know God, we need to learn how to spend time with Him.  Scripture study - feasting upon the words of Christ - and private, earnest prayer will help us to communicate with our Father and learn of His ways.  As we strive to apply the teachings we learn and invite the Spirit into our lives, His influence will become more present in our lives.  The Spirit is a member of the Godhead, and as we become familiar with what it feels like to be in His presence, we will understand God better and be more prepared to meet Him.  I know that living the gospel will help us come to know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and that when we ultimately return to God’s presence, we will feel at home there.

The Things That Are God's

In Matthew 22, the Pharisees come yet again to tempt Jesus, asking Him questions in an attempt to catch Him in His words, that they might find some accusation against Him.  Their interaction is recorded in verses 17-21:

17 Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Cæsar, or not?

18 But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?

19 Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.

20 And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?

21 They say unto him, Cæsar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Cæsar the things which are Cæsar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.

The answer to the questions the Pharisees asked - is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar? - is pretty straightforward.  Jesus makes it clear that doing our duty as citizens does not need to interfere with our duty towards God.  After all, we believe in being subject to secular leaders and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law (see Article of Faith 12).

However, there’s a deeper lesson here.  We render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and we know that the tribute money is his because it bears his image.  What, then, is God’s? We bear His image, having been created in the image of God (see Genesis 1:26-27).  Further, as disciples of Christ, we ought to have “the image of God engraven upon [our] countenances” (Alma 5:19).  It is therefore required of us to render unto God the things that are God’s, namely, all that we have and are.  To me, this means much more than dedicating our time and our resources to God and His Church.  I think of Alma 36:37 - “let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.”

This means loving God with all of our hearts, minds, and souls, and prioritizing our relationship with Him over anything else.  It means being willing to obey His commandments and accept His will, even when it doesn’t make sense to us.  It means trusting that Heavenly Father can do more with what we have than we can do on our own.

Of course we know that God can do far more with our resources than we can, but that doesn’t always make it easy to hand them over to Him.  We don’t like not being in control, and the immediate gratification of doing what we want can be so appealing compared to the seemingly distant reward promised if we follow God’s ways.  It takes a lot of trust, a lot of faith, and a lot of self-control to choose to follow Christ when all we can see is a few steps ahead of us.  Sometimes I catch myself trying to convince myself that surely God doesn’t expect me to give Him everything.  He knows my limitations, right?  Of course He does, and not once has He asked for more than I could give with His help.  I have learned that trying to justify giving less of myself can never make me happy and will never lead me to become the person that He knows I can become.  As Elder Bednar has said, “Each of us needs God’s help in surrendering our will to Him.”

I know that we will be able to obtain happiness in this life and eternal glory in the life to come if we will “render unto God the things that are God’s” (Matthew 22:21).  As hard as it has sometimes been, I have never regretted giving too much to the Lord.  Giving is hardly a sacrifice when I receive so much in return.

The Prodigal Son

This week in class we talked about the parable of the prodigal son, found in Luke 15.  I’ve always loved this parable, but something different has stood out to me the last couple times I’ve studied it.  The younger of a certain man’s two sons takes his portion of the inheritance and leaves home, wasting his substance in riotous living in a far land.  Before long he is absolutely broke - even the pigs he is tending are eating better than he is.  When the young man finally comes to himself, he realizes that even the hired servants in his father’s house have plenty to eat.  He devises a plan: “I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants” (Luke 15:18-19).

I can just imagine the prodigal son on the long road home, rehearsing his little speech.  I can imagine the weight he must have carried in his heart, knowing he has insulted and disgraced his father.  He knows he does not deserve his father’s mercy, but he knows that his father is a good man and hopes that there might be some place in his house for a repentant son-turned-servant.

I think most of us have probably felt like the prodigal son at some point in our lives.  I know what it feels like to carry the weight of knowing that I haven’t just made a mistake, I’ve willfully rebelled against my Father.  Sometimes we feel utterly unforgivable, no more worthy to be called a son or daughter of God.

That is why I love the father’s response so much:  “But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him” (Luke 15:21).  The son forgets even to plead for mercy, only expressing his feeling of unworthiness.  He must have been so surprised when his father gave him a new robe and shoes (which he probably needed badly), placed a ring on his hand, and threw him a party.

This is exactly how our Heavenly Father reacts when we repent and return to Him.  He doesn’t say to us, “You’re right, you are no longer worthy to be called my daughter.  I guess you can have a place in the kitchen or something, but you’ll have to earn your keep.”  Of course not!  He loves us so much and is longing for us to return to Him, like the father in the parable that saw his son while he was still far away and ran to him.  He showers us with love and blessings, far more than we could hope to deserve.  As Elder Holland once said, “Surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it.”

Repentance is not a punishment.  It is one of the greatest blessings that the Lord offers us.  When we repent and return to our Father with full purpose of heart, He forgives freely and blesses us generously.  We need never be afraid to approach Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit, no matter how far we have wandered and how much we have wasted.  He will always welcome us back with open arms.

Lord, Save Me

This week in class, we talked about the miracle of Peter walking on water, as recorded in Matthew 14.  We’re familiar with the story: Christ’s disciples are crossing the sea of Galilee, and they’re having a rough time.  The wind is contrary and the ship is tossed with waves.  Christ comes to them, walking on the sea, and assures the frightened disciples that it is He and they need not be afraid.  Peter entreats Christ: “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water” (Matthew 14:28).  He is able to walk on the water until he sees the wind boisterous and begins to sink.  He cries out to the Lord for help, and immediately Jesus reaches out and saves Peter.

Peter’s faith amazes me.  He walked on water!  He had enough faith in the Savior to step out of the boat and walk to Him.  So why did he sink?  How on earth could he doubt while he was walking on water?  I think the answer is in this verse: “But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid” (Matthew 14:30).  When he took his eyes off the Savior and saw the fierce wind on the raging sea, he was afraid.

Peter is a fisherman - he is very familiar with the sea.  He’s had enough experience to know, without a doubt, that he is not more powerful than the storm.  In the fight between sea and seaman, the sea will win every time.  What he’s forgotten in this moment is that he doesn’t have to be more powerful than the storm.  It is not Peter’s power that allows him to walk on water, but that of the Savior.

All too often, I find myself doing exactly the same thing.  I worry and stress over problems that I know are too big for me to handle, problems I know I can’t solve on my own.  Of course I know that there is no problem too big for the Lord to handle.  My mistake in these moments is not a lack of faith in the Lord, not thinking that He doesn’t have power over all things He has created.  Instead, I’m misplacing my faith.  I’m relying on myself rather than on my Heavenly Father.  It is when I rely on myself that I am worried, stressed, and fearful.  When I put my trust in my Savior, that storm is calmed.

There is one more thing I love about this account: when Peter begins to sink, he cries out without hesitation, knowing that Christ has the power to save him.  Hearing Peter’s pleas, Christ immediatley stretches forth His hand to lift Peter.  He doesn’t say, “Well, you got yourself into this mess, so you’ll have to get yourself out.”  The Savior does not punish us for lacking faith.  He lifts us, teaches us, and encourages us.  Christ does not admonish Peter to make him feel ashamed for faltering.  He asks, “Wherefore didst thou doubt?” (Matthew 14:31) to lift Peter’s vision of who He can become.  And He does exactly the same thing with each of us.  He is never too far to stretch forth His hand and rescue us when we cry out to him in faith.

A Thorn in the Flesh

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a sacrament meeting in which one of my former mission companions gave her homecoming talk.  Of course I cried through the whole thing - I am so incredibly proud of her, and the experiences and testimony that she shared brought to mind some very tender experiences that I had with her.  The nineteen weeks that we labored together was a period of intense personal growth for each of us as Heavenly Father deepened our understanding of the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ.  One passage that became meaningful to both of us was 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, in which Paul describes his struggle with an unnamed weakness:

 7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Each of us will experience a “thorn in the flesh” at some point, whether for a period of weeks or months or years.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve asked the Lord to remove certain thorns a lot more than three times.  This can be a very frustrating experience, even - or maybe especially - when we’re doing our best to follow His commandments and apply the Atonement.  Wait, we ask, doesn’t the Lord promise that if I’m humble and faithful, He’ll make my weaknesses into strengths? (See Ether 12:27.)  Am I not humble enough?  Haven’t I shown enough faith?

I think in these moments, when I’m asking these questions, I’ve forgotten a couple things.  For one, true faith in God doesn’t mean believing or knowing that He will remove our burdens; it means knowing that He can but also trusting in His plan for us and accepting His will.  It’s taking me eons to wrap my head around this fact, but I’m making some headway: if not getting my way is part of God’s plan for me, then not getting my way is a very good thing.  From my very limited perspective, I tend to forget that Heavenly Father can see the whole picture.  I’m perfectly willing to struggle through a trial or temptation for a bit, but usually I come to a point where I’m pretty sure I’ve learned what I was supposed to from this experience and I’d like to be done now, please.  Luckily for me, He always has a better vision of what He wants to teach me and the person He’s shaping me to be.  Like Elder Holland once said, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better.”  Sometimes obtaining that “something better” means enduring seemingly endless trials.  Some weaknesses won’t go away in this life.  Trusting God means being ok with that, and being ok with not understanding why, because we at least understand that He loves us and wants us to be happy.

I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which is not only infinite but incredibly intimate.  Christ has felt my pain, He’s borne my burdens, He’s suffered for my sins, so He knows exactly how to help me.  I’m grateful for the weaknesses that I’ve been given, because they have taught me humility and compassion.  I’ll probably continue to murmur through my trials, at least a bit, as I try to break free from my mortal mindset and look at things with an eternal perspective.  But ultimately I know that no matter what thorns pierce my side, the one who wore a crown of thorns, who was pierced in His hands and feet and side, has the power to lift my burdens and to lift me.  It is in Him that I will be the strongest, even and especially in my weakest moments.