A Thorn in the Flesh

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a sacrament meeting in which one of my former mission companions gave her homecoming talk.  Of course I cried through the whole thing - I am so incredibly proud of her, and the experiences and testimony that she shared brought to mind some very tender experiences that I had with her.  The nineteen weeks that we labored together was a period of intense personal growth for each of us as Heavenly Father deepened our understanding of the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ.  One passage that became meaningful to both of us was 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, in which Paul describes his struggle with an unnamed weakness:

 7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Each of us will experience a “thorn in the flesh” at some point, whether for a period of weeks or months or years.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve asked the Lord to remove certain thorns a lot more than three times.  This can be a very frustrating experience, even - or maybe especially - when we’re doing our best to follow His commandments and apply the Atonement.  Wait, we ask, doesn’t the Lord promise that if I’m humble and faithful, He’ll make my weaknesses into strengths? (See Ether 12:27.)  Am I not humble enough?  Haven’t I shown enough faith?

I think in these moments, when I’m asking these questions, I’ve forgotten a couple things.  For one, true faith in God doesn’t mean believing or knowing that He will remove our burdens; it means knowing that He can but also trusting in His plan for us and accepting His will.  It’s taking me eons to wrap my head around this fact, but I’m making some headway: if not getting my way is part of God’s plan for me, then not getting my way is a very good thing.  From my very limited perspective, I tend to forget that Heavenly Father can see the whole picture.  I’m perfectly willing to struggle through a trial or temptation for a bit, but usually I come to a point where I’m pretty sure I’ve learned what I was supposed to from this experience and I’d like to be done now, please.  Luckily for me, He always has a better vision of what He wants to teach me and the person He’s shaping me to be.  Like Elder Holland once said, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better.”  Sometimes obtaining that “something better” means enduring seemingly endless trials.  Some weaknesses won’t go away in this life.  Trusting God means being ok with that, and being ok with not understanding why, because we at least understand that He loves us and wants us to be happy.

I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which is not only infinite but incredibly intimate.  Christ has felt my pain, He’s borne my burdens, He’s suffered for my sins, so He knows exactly how to help me.  I’m grateful for the weaknesses that I’ve been given, because they have taught me humility and compassion.  I’ll probably continue to murmur through my trials, at least a bit, as I try to break free from my mortal mindset and look at things with an eternal perspective.  But ultimately I know that no matter what thorns pierce my side, the one who wore a crown of thorns, who was pierced in His hands and feet and side, has the power to lift my burdens and to lift me.  It is in Him that I will be the strongest, even and especially in my weakest moments.