A Thorn in the Flesh

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a sacrament meeting in which one of my former mission companions gave her homecoming talk.  Of course I cried through the whole thing - I am so incredibly proud of her, and the experiences and testimony that she shared brought to mind some very tender experiences that I had with her.  The nineteen weeks that we labored together was a period of intense personal growth for each of us as Heavenly Father deepened our understanding of the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ.  One passage that became meaningful to both of us was 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, in which Paul describes his struggle with an unnamed weakness:

 7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Each of us will experience a “thorn in the flesh” at some point, whether for a period of weeks or months or years.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve asked the Lord to remove certain thorns a lot more than three times.  This can be a very frustrating experience, even - or maybe especially - when we’re doing our best to follow His commandments and apply the Atonement.  Wait, we ask, doesn’t the Lord promise that if I’m humble and faithful, He’ll make my weaknesses into strengths? (See Ether 12:27.)  Am I not humble enough?  Haven’t I shown enough faith?

I think in these moments, when I’m asking these questions, I’ve forgotten a couple things.  For one, true faith in God doesn’t mean believing or knowing that He will remove our burdens; it means knowing that He can but also trusting in His plan for us and accepting His will.  It’s taking me eons to wrap my head around this fact, but I’m making some headway: if not getting my way is part of God’s plan for me, then not getting my way is a very good thing.  From my very limited perspective, I tend to forget that Heavenly Father can see the whole picture.  I’m perfectly willing to struggle through a trial or temptation for a bit, but usually I come to a point where I’m pretty sure I’ve learned what I was supposed to from this experience and I’d like to be done now, please.  Luckily for me, He always has a better vision of what He wants to teach me and the person He’s shaping me to be.  Like Elder Holland once said, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better.”  Sometimes obtaining that “something better” means enduring seemingly endless trials.  Some weaknesses won’t go away in this life.  Trusting God means being ok with that, and being ok with not understanding why, because we at least understand that He loves us and wants us to be happy.

I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which is not only infinite but incredibly intimate.  Christ has felt my pain, He’s borne my burdens, He’s suffered for my sins, so He knows exactly how to help me.  I’m grateful for the weaknesses that I’ve been given, because they have taught me humility and compassion.  I’ll probably continue to murmur through my trials, at least a bit, as I try to break free from my mortal mindset and look at things with an eternal perspective.  But ultimately I know that no matter what thorns pierce my side, the one who wore a crown of thorns, who was pierced in His hands and feet and side, has the power to lift my burdens and to lift me.  It is in Him that I will be the strongest, even and especially in my weakest moments.

The Great Commandment

This week I studied Matthew 22:35-40.

35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

I love this scripture! While the lawyer's intent is obviously not very good, I don't think the question he asked was inherently bad.  When asked from the proper, righteous perspective, it's a really significant question: Which commandment is the most important?  What do I need to focus on?  When I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything that is required of me, where do I need to start?

Christ's answer is, of course, perfect.  The great commandment is that we love God with all of our heart, soul, and mind, and that we love our neighbor.  This comes with the assurance that if we will keep these two great commandments, everything else will fall into place.  Every other commandment given stems from these two.

What does it mean to love God with all of our heart, mind, and soul?  Looking up the word "love" in True to the Fatih and the Oxford English Dictionary, I came to the conclusion that love is about our desires.  If we truly love God with all of our heart, we will desire to do those things that please Him.  He will be our focus and the center of our thoughts and our desires.  We will make decisions based on that love for Him.  We will obey His commandments.  And if we love God, we will love His children by extension.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done.  But the beautiful part is that all we really have to do is try.  Elder Holland taught this doctrine beautifully in his April 2016 conference talk "Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You."

"The great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don't always succeed. ...We are going to be blessed for our desire to do good, even as we actually strive to be so."

I know that if we desire to love God - even if we can only desire to desire to love Him - if we let that desire work in us, He will work with what we have to give and we will ultimately be able to make it back to Him.

My Burden is Light

This week has been a long one, so this scripture in Matthew really spoke to me:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

I’ve always loved this scripture because I love the assurance that if we come unto Christ, He will ease our burdens.  Who hasn’t felt weighed down by the weight of the world at some point?  I think sometimes I feel that because my burdens aren’t very heavy compared to things that others may have to go through, I should be able to bear them by myself.  But does He mean, “Come unto me, all ye with the heaviest burdens,” or “Come unto me, but only if it’s really bad, otherwise don’t bother me”?  Of course not!  The invitation is for ALL of us, no matter what our burdens are.

This is the part that I sometimes forget:  Christ has already borne all of our burdens.  All of them.  He’s felt our pains, our sicknesses, our infirmities - all so that He would know how to take care of us and how to heal us (see Alma 7:11-13).  I’m not bothering Him by coming to Him seeking rest from my burdens.  He has already borne them for me, and He wants desperately to lift me from them.  There is no burden too heavy or too light, nothing too silly to take before the Lord.  It doesn’t matter if our pain is a consequence of being a little stupid or a little rebellious, or if someone else has it worse than we do.  The Savior doesn’t compare us to others or hold our human weaknesses against us.  He is loving, forgiving, patient, and kind, and He understands better than anyone else could.

I think I’ll close with the words of one of my favorite hymns:

“Why should this anxious load
Press down your weary mind?
Haste to your Heavenly Father’s throne
And sweet refreshment find.

His goodness stands approved,
Unchanged from day to day;
I’ll drop by burden at his feet
And bear a song away.”

(“How Gentle God’s Commands,” Hymn 125, verses 3-4)

In and Through the Holy Messiah

In my personal study lately, I've been studying 2 Nephi 2.  It's been taking me a while.  Because I'm pretty familiar with the chapter, I've been trying to dig a little deeper and see if I can't discover something new in these verses that I love.  One of my favorite verses this week was 2 Nephi 2:6:

“Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace and truth.”

I love this verse.  It states so simply and beautifully that Christ is the source of our redemption.  He is the reason that the Plan of Salvation works.  It’s interesting to me that both the words “in” and “through” are used to describe the connection between Christ and our salvation.  

Redemption comes IN the Holy Messiah - redemption comes in His name, it comes in the form of the Messiah.  Christ is our salvation.  We must come unto Him in order to partake - come and be perfected in Him (see Moroni 10:32).  In other words, Christ is full of redemption.  Our salvation is His purpose, His work and His glory (see Moses 1:39), a key part of His identity.

Redemption comes THROUGH the Holy Messiah - it comes by means of, or because of, Jesus Christ.  Christ is our mediator with the Father, the intercessor through whom our Father grants us the gift of redemption.  Salvation flows out of Christ, or through Him, to us.  This imagey is particularly meaningful to me because it calls to mind images of light, and reminds me that Christ is the source of all light.  As Elder Holland said, “It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

It might seem a little silly, but thinking about it this way helps me to understand my relationship with my Savior and what I need to do in order to access His grace.  It helps me understand that accepting Christ as my Savior is so much more than saying some perfect prayer or merely achieving the right attitude towards Him.  It is a daily process of coming unto Him, seeking after and cherishing His word, obeying His commandments, and striving to emulate Him.  And the closer I can get to Him, the more His light will shed in my life, and I will be able to experience that grace and truth that He is full of.